It's 8.45, in the offices of a bank in downtown Madrid. I'm packing up my things and getting ready to go home because the class was supposed to start at 8:30 and I don't know where anyone is. Then, just as I'm putting my coat on, R. comes in. I explain to her that the company policy is that if we don't see anyone for 15 minutes, we can go. Yes, she says, but the security guards told me that you were here so I didn't worry. Yes, I say, but I didn't know that you were here, and since no one else has come, I was going to leave. I don't think R. has understood what I meant.
Next: the homework. You didn't give us any exercises, so I didn't practice, R. says. This is the kind of attitude that makes me want to go back to being a waitress. Honestly. But it's normal. Sad, but normal. If I had a dollar (sorry, no more Euros now) for every time a student tried to make it my problem that they didn't study, I'd be rich. Honestly.
Let me ask you something: who is the boss of your class?
The teacher? The student?
No, YOU are.
Yes, YOU. Not the teacher. Not the school. The reason is easy to understand: only you can help yourself. If you don't know how to help yourself....if you aren't disciplined enough to review your class notes and do your homework...if you don't take responsibility for helping yourself... that is not the teacher's fault.
That's why so many people get stuck at the pre-intermediate level, in my opinion. It's not that they're dumb. It's not that they're bad at English. It's because they have a very unrealistic attitude that the teacher is the person who must do all the work. If the student fails, it's the teacher's fault. (Is it any wonder that so many qualified, experienced teachers are leaving Spain and going to other countries?)
"Pre-Intermediate" is not a level. It's an attitude.
Is that attitude getting you what you want? If not, it's time to change your way of thinking. In this economic climate, you don't have the option of thinking that someone else is going to do the work for you.
Ask your teacher for help.
Look on the Internet for ways to practice.
Review your notes!!
Just do....something....except blame the teacher.
1.30.2012
1.24.2012
Okay, I admit it. We've been lying to you....
This is the real reason you should learn English. Honest.
(Thanks to Stuart for the link and the laugh.)
(Thanks to Stuart for the link and the laugh.)
Back on the horse
I have a new personal trainer. His name is David and he has huge muscles, and he yells a lot. I don't really need a personal trainer, really. Some of you know that I am a huge cycling fanatic and, not so long ago, I used to race, too. I wasn't very good at it. No, the truth of it is that I was REALLY bad at it. I was so bad at racing bicycles that the only reason I went was to have fun with the other gals who were also really bad.
Then last summer hit, and a lot of stuff happened. It's not worth describing what it was; let's just say that I'd rather forget the period between, oh, say, July 27th and today. It's done. It wasn't fun, but it's over with. (I hope.)
I've wanted to write this post for about two months, but it's hard to talk about something when you're still in the middle of it. Let me just say this: even when things are really horrible, even when learning English only makes you feel stupid or silly and you think that there's no sense in trying, you still have to try. I know. It sucks. It's awful. Doing things that you don't want to do, when you really aren't convinced that you can do it, is the most agonizing feeling in the world. But sometimes, it's all you can do.
There's more valor in trying. No one has to know if you quit, but YOU will know if you quit.
You don't have to quit. You can keep trying. You're not Don Quixote. No one will ever make fun of you for trying. Or they shouldn't, anyway.
And you can hold onto trying. Even if it doesn't work out, no one can ever take the sense of pride away from you. There is nothing wrong with being proud of doing a good job. Nothing at all.
In English, we call this "getting back on the horse that threw you." I don't know anything about horses; I know a lot about bicycles. And I know that if you fall off a bicycle, there is only one thing that you can do -- get back on it. Why? Because the shame of giving up is, sometimes, too great.
So that's 2012. Back on the horse.
I hope that you had a great Christmas and a fabulous New Year's, and that you've managed to avoid the January flu.
Now let's get back to work.
Then last summer hit, and a lot of stuff happened. It's not worth describing what it was; let's just say that I'd rather forget the period between, oh, say, July 27th and today. It's done. It wasn't fun, but it's over with. (I hope.)
I've wanted to write this post for about two months, but it's hard to talk about something when you're still in the middle of it. Let me just say this: even when things are really horrible, even when learning English only makes you feel stupid or silly and you think that there's no sense in trying, you still have to try. I know. It sucks. It's awful. Doing things that you don't want to do, when you really aren't convinced that you can do it, is the most agonizing feeling in the world. But sometimes, it's all you can do.
There's more valor in trying. No one has to know if you quit, but YOU will know if you quit.
You don't have to quit. You can keep trying. You're not Don Quixote. No one will ever make fun of you for trying. Or they shouldn't, anyway.
And you can hold onto trying. Even if it doesn't work out, no one can ever take the sense of pride away from you. There is nothing wrong with being proud of doing a good job. Nothing at all.
In English, we call this "getting back on the horse that threw you." I don't know anything about horses; I know a lot about bicycles. And I know that if you fall off a bicycle, there is only one thing that you can do -- get back on it. Why? Because the shame of giving up is, sometimes, too great.
So that's 2012. Back on the horse.
I hope that you had a great Christmas and a fabulous New Year's, and that you've managed to avoid the January flu.
Now let's get back to work.
9.15.2011
How NOT to learn English at home!
EngVid is an online video service that provides students with English instruction...and lots of help on how NOT to learn English. If you only watch one video today, make it this one.
A new way of giving classes
Those of you who have been looking for an English teacher have probably noticed a new trend: fewer teachers are doing face-to-face classes, and more are offering classes via Skype (or VOIP - voice over Internet protocol.)
Why? Well, there are several reasons.
For me, the most interesting thing about Skype classes is that I'm not losing time by being on the Metro. I like being out of the house and seeing new neighborhoods. Last year, however, I calculated that I was spending more time on public transit than I was in the classroom, which means that if you're on a bus or a train, you're not making money.
That sounds bad, I know, but think of it this way: If you do 30 hours of class in a week, which means that you have to spend 30 hours travelling around the city, that means you spend 60 hours working, not 30, and that cuts your money by 50%. That means that there are two ways you can compensate for that loss. You can start charging students more money to go to their houses (which isn't fair for a lot of people.) Or...you can eliminate the problem altogether by eliminating the transit. That's what I've done.
And what happens if you don't live in a city? What happens if you live in a very small town that doesn't have any English speakers, let alone academies or language schools? Ah. That's another huge advantage with Skype: where there's Internet, there's class! You don't need to have bricks...just clicks. So far, I've worked with students in places like Ciudad Real, Barcelona, Lleida, A Coruña and Segovia, and all of them have been pleased with the result. And at least two of them are very happy that they don't have to have the house totally clean before the teacher comes to give class!
If you're not convinced...ask me for a free class! Try before you buy! If you have Skype and would like to see what a class is like...send me an e-mail! I'm offering a free Skype class to anyone who contacts me before Monday, September 19th, 2011. (Limit of one Skype class per person.)
Why? Well, there are several reasons.
For me, the most interesting thing about Skype classes is that I'm not losing time by being on the Metro. I like being out of the house and seeing new neighborhoods. Last year, however, I calculated that I was spending more time on public transit than I was in the classroom, which means that if you're on a bus or a train, you're not making money.
That sounds bad, I know, but think of it this way: If you do 30 hours of class in a week, which means that you have to spend 30 hours travelling around the city, that means you spend 60 hours working, not 30, and that cuts your money by 50%. That means that there are two ways you can compensate for that loss. You can start charging students more money to go to their houses (which isn't fair for a lot of people.) Or...you can eliminate the problem altogether by eliminating the transit. That's what I've done.
And what happens if you don't live in a city? What happens if you live in a very small town that doesn't have any English speakers, let alone academies or language schools? Ah. That's another huge advantage with Skype: where there's Internet, there's class! You don't need to have bricks...just clicks. So far, I've worked with students in places like Ciudad Real, Barcelona, Lleida, A Coruña and Segovia, and all of them have been pleased with the result. And at least two of them are very happy that they don't have to have the house totally clean before the teacher comes to give class!
If you're not convinced...ask me for a free class! Try before you buy! If you have Skype and would like to see what a class is like...send me an e-mail! I'm offering a free Skype class to anyone who contacts me before Monday, September 19th, 2011. (Limit of one Skype class per person.)
9.12.2011
What is an English class worth?
How much is an English class worth to you? Let me ask you this: who's worth more to you, your cleaning lady or your English teacher?
I just got off the phone with someone who wanted to pay me €10 an hour for classes. Well, once you calculate the travel time and the preparation time, that's what it would come out to.
I pay my cleaning lady €10 an hour and she can't even read.
Taking English classes is an investment. And sometimes, it's going to be expensive. That's why it's an investment. And I'm not sure why people will happily pay €60 for a lunch that will be digested in two hours, but balk at €25 for an English class that could help them get a job or improve their future.
If you want a trained, experienced English teacher to help you, please don't insult an English teacher by asking them to accept less money than you would pay someone who can't read.
I just got off the phone with someone who wanted to pay me €10 an hour for classes. Well, once you calculate the travel time and the preparation time, that's what it would come out to.
I pay my cleaning lady €10 an hour and she can't even read.
Taking English classes is an investment. And sometimes, it's going to be expensive. That's why it's an investment. And I'm not sure why people will happily pay €60 for a lunch that will be digested in two hours, but balk at €25 for an English class that could help them get a job or improve their future.
If you want a trained, experienced English teacher to help you, please don't insult an English teacher by asking them to accept less money than you would pay someone who can't read.
9.07.2011
(From 2008:) The Door, Neo...
Looking back on my personal Facebook stuff, I just found this, and thought it might be interesting to share:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- So you're saying that my English is terrible and that I'm not going to pass.
- I did not say that. You are unfairly manipulating my words.
He looks at the photocopied page of vocabulary suggestions, some of which he might well use. On the back of the page, there's the transcription of the recording of what he produced on Tuesday afternoon. It is a mangled mishmash of sentence fragments, badly conjugated verbs - the whole lot.
- All I'm saying is that if you do what you've been doing, you're going to get what you've always had and things are not going to change.
- I don't agree.
Well, he wouldn't, wouldn't he? As an upper-middle-class twenty-something, he considers it his right to take four weeks of holiday in August and ignore a relatively simple speaking exam task for the better part of three months, then go back home, raising all kinds of hue and cry and phoning every English teacher in SEGUNDAMANO, because he's worried that he just might fail. Again.
No, I shouldn't say that he's worried. He knows he is going to totally fail this exam. When I shake the wet filet of hand that he offers, the two fingers and section of palm that he offers as a matter of courtesy and little else, it is so drenched with cold sweat (and it's almost 30ºC outside) that I half expect his eyes to roll back in his head and his knees to give out, and for him to flop backwards like a clueless Broadway ingenue. Cold sweat. It's still summer outside and he's wearing a long-sleeved shirt. Our poor boy knows he's going down for the third time. And that's not an exaggeration. There are no fourth chances at the Escuela Oficial. Which means that, from here on in, it's Cambridge First Certificate at €179 a pop. And he's confessed to failing that four times.
- I think that the best thing is that I need to find another teacher to take class with. This, in English.
- I think that's an excellent idea.
He doesn't want a teacher. He wants someone to pat him on the head and stroke his cheek and tell him that everything is going to be okay. He wants a cheerleader, a nanny.
He offers to give me back the sheet. Thanks, but I already speak the language almost comes out, but I cut it at:
- Thanks, I still have the originals at home.
What does he expect me to say? THAT's what I don't understand at all. Does he, in all seriousness, expect me to go on endlessly about his linguistic ability? Does he want me to lie like a rug and tell him everything's gonna be all right?
We walk back along Avenida de Badajoz and he keeps his space so much that he walks out into traffic rather than walk behind the bus shelter with me.
- You ever seen "The Matrix"?
- ¿El qué?
- The Matrix.
- ¿El Mundo?
- No. Matrix. La peli con Laurence Fishburne, Keanu Reeves....
- Pues sí, hombre.
- ¿Te acuerdas de lo que dijo Morfeo cuando Neo se planteó abandonar el mundo para entrar al Matrix? (No answer.) Te puedo mostrar el puerto, Neo....
He offers his hand and a perfunctory, slimy handshake, and slouches off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- So you're saying that my English is terrible and that I'm not going to pass.
- I did not say that. You are unfairly manipulating my words.
He looks at the photocopied page of vocabulary suggestions, some of which he might well use. On the back of the page, there's the transcription of the recording of what he produced on Tuesday afternoon. It is a mangled mishmash of sentence fragments, badly conjugated verbs - the whole lot.
- All I'm saying is that if you do what you've been doing, you're going to get what you've always had and things are not going to change.
- I don't agree.
Well, he wouldn't, wouldn't he? As an upper-middle-class twenty-something, he considers it his right to take four weeks of holiday in August and ignore a relatively simple speaking exam task for the better part of three months, then go back home, raising all kinds of hue and cry and phoning every English teacher in SEGUNDAMANO, because he's worried that he just might fail. Again.
No, I shouldn't say that he's worried. He knows he is going to totally fail this exam. When I shake the wet filet of hand that he offers, the two fingers and section of palm that he offers as a matter of courtesy and little else, it is so drenched with cold sweat (and it's almost 30ºC outside) that I half expect his eyes to roll back in his head and his knees to give out, and for him to flop backwards like a clueless Broadway ingenue. Cold sweat. It's still summer outside and he's wearing a long-sleeved shirt. Our poor boy knows he's going down for the third time. And that's not an exaggeration. There are no fourth chances at the Escuela Oficial. Which means that, from here on in, it's Cambridge First Certificate at €179 a pop. And he's confessed to failing that four times.
- I think that the best thing is that I need to find another teacher to take class with. This, in English.
- I think that's an excellent idea.
He doesn't want a teacher. He wants someone to pat him on the head and stroke his cheek and tell him that everything is going to be okay. He wants a cheerleader, a nanny.
He offers to give me back the sheet. Thanks, but I already speak the language almost comes out, but I cut it at:
- Thanks, I still have the originals at home.
What does he expect me to say? THAT's what I don't understand at all. Does he, in all seriousness, expect me to go on endlessly about his linguistic ability? Does he want me to lie like a rug and tell him everything's gonna be all right?
We walk back along Avenida de Badajoz and he keeps his space so much that he walks out into traffic rather than walk behind the bus shelter with me.
- You ever seen "The Matrix"?
- ¿El qué?
- The Matrix.
- ¿El Mundo?
- No. Matrix. La peli con Laurence Fishburne, Keanu Reeves....
- Pues sí, hombre.
- ¿Te acuerdas de lo que dijo Morfeo cuando Neo se planteó abandonar el mundo para entrar al Matrix? (No answer.) Te puedo mostrar el puerto, Neo....
He offers his hand and a perfunctory, slimy handshake, and slouches off.
8.18.2011
The Apostrophe S Lesson
Two pictures taken from the streets in the past couple of days....these are very good examples of how you do NOT use the apostrophe S (what Spanish speakers mistakenly refer to as "s anglosajón").
2. Don't use both 's and of together if you're not sure. If the person who owns this bar really is named Benjamín, it's enough to use the 's to show that this is his bar or his business.
1. Only use 's when you refer to animals, people or groups of people:
- the cat's meow
- the nurse's purse
- Max's mice
"Alba's House Cooking" is incorrect because "Alba's house" is better for the actual living space of a woman named Alba. It does not refer to the dynasty of the Duchy of Alba. For that, you need the preposition OF. "The Cuisine of the House of Alba" is appropriate. As a native speaker, "Alba's House Cooking" makes me think that Alba's apartment has some kind of special powers. (Bad one, Westin Hotels.)
We use 's to talk about:
- a person's possessions (Mike's bikes)
- where a person works (Dad's office)
- a part of a person's body (Bree's knees)
- personal relationships (my father's girlfriend, his sister's boss)
Items, things and buildings cannot, however "own" things (the front door of the block of flats, the back door of the car, the front page of the newspaper)
8.16.2011
How to swear like a native, Part 1
True opinion: One of the things that most people want to learn first, when they learn a language, is the swear words. The academic part of me thinks that this is because swear words signify extreme emotions, which you usually want to avoid when you speak a language. The same problem exists here as with any other vocabulary: it's important to use it properly, to show what you mean.
"Shit" creates special problems for Spanish speakers of English for several reasons. First, it's not used as commonly in English as it is in Spanish; maybe it's because I live in Madrid, but I hear people here saying it a lot more frequently than I did back home...and, trust me, people where I come from swear a lot.)
Here are some basic guidelines that you can use when you're using this word:
shit - "a swear word that many people find offensive, used to show that you are angry or annoyed (OALD)". English speakers do NOT automatically use it to describe everything that works badly (Better: "This is useless" or "This is a useless piece of junk"), tastes bad ("This is disgusting/awful/horrible"), or as a countable noun. Similarly, if your boss lands you with a stressful, last-minute task, that is not called "a brown" in English.
There are various variations of the word that, when combined with the name of an animal, gives another idea of "extreme emotion", but be careful because they are used in very specific ways:
bullshit - a swear word that many people might find offensive, used to show that the person thinks the information is highly incorrect or deceitful. ("He told you that he's going on holiday with his grandmother? Bullshit!")
apeshit - (esp. to go apeshit) - to become extremely angry, especially when you receive bad or shocking news.
batshit - (esp. batshit crazy) - extremely irrational or crazy. (The politician may have some good ideas about the economy, but I'd never vote for her; she's batshit crazy.)
(One note: don't try looking up definitions for these words in either Wikipedia - which will direct you to "anger", instead; or UrbanDictionary, which has no filter process that eliminates useless or incorrect definitons.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)