The Apostrophe S Lesson

Two pictures taken from the streets in the past couple of days....these are very good examples of how you do NOT use the apostrophe S (what Spanish speakers mistakenly refer to as "s anglosajón").

1. Only use 's when you refer to animals, people or groups of people:

- the cat's meow

- the nurse's purse

- Max's mice

"Alba's House Cooking" is incorrect because "Alba's house" is better for the actual living space of a woman named Alba. It does not refer to the dynasty of the Duchy of Alba. For that, you need the preposition OF. "The Cuisine of the House of Alba" is appropriate. As a native speaker, "Alba's House Cooking" makes me think that Alba's apartment has some kind of special powers. (Bad one, Westin Hotels.)

2. Don't use both 's and of together if you're not sure. If the person who owns this bar really is named Benjamín, it's enough to use the 's to show that this is his bar or his business.

We use 's to talk about:

- a person's possessions (Mike's bikes)

- where a person works (Dad's office)

- a part of a person's body (Bree's knees)

- personal relationships (my father's girlfriend, his sister's boss)

Items, things and buildings cannot, however "own" things (the front door of the block of flats, the back door of the car, the front page of the newspaper)

Bad teacher!

This ad is so...bad...on so many levels, it almost doesn't bear thinking about:

http://tinyurl.com/5uhuzbr

If you're not sure what I mean, take a look at the various meanings of "oral" in an English-only dictionary.

Somehow I don't think this guy's ad has anything to do with language.

You have to see them to believe them....

I have no idea how many native English speakers actually live in Madrid. There should be enough native English speakers that SOMEBODY could have prevented these mistakes from happening.

Don't be THIS student.

Whose fault is it if you don't learn English?

Do you feel that your lack of progress is due to a bad teacher, a stupid teacher, a lazy teacher or an inefficient teacher?

Classroom interaction goes both ways. You can have the best teacher in the world, but if you're not responsible for your own learning, you're going to have problems. People always talk about different kinds of bad teachers...now it's my turn to talk about "bad" students.

After twelve years in the classroom, it's fairly easy to identify the students who won't make progress. Or, worse, the students who won't make progress, and say that it's TOTALLY the teacher's fault.

#1: THE LUMP. Maybe it's not fair to start with The Lump, but I will anyway, because I think that if all The Lumps were taken out of classes, life would be a lot easier for everyone. Somehow, The Lump always manages to be someone with a lot of money. The Lump never talks. Never. "You're the teacher; you is the one who is paid to talk. English class was not my idea; the Human Resources department needs to use up its budget this year and I was the only one who didn't participate in the regular classes. Besides, I don't need English. I have done the Proficiency exam since ten years ago and my English is good." And that's all you hear from The Lump: The Lump then sits with her arms crossed over her chest, staring at you like you came from Mars. The Lump will happily sit there for forty hours in that position! (Don't laugh. It's happened.)

#2: MR./MRS. PANIC. "Yes? Hello? I'm calling to find out about English classes for my son/daughter. My son/daughter is writing the TOEFL/IELTS/PTE/First/Advanced/Proficiency/BULATS the day after tomorrow and needs help with the exam. [Pause.] No, this is the first time s/he has written the exam. [Pause.] No, s/he doesn't have a textbook to help him/her study. [Pause.] No, s/he doesn't attend an English school. [Pause.] No, s/he doesn't have English classes outside of class. [Pause.] Eighty Euros an hour? Can't bring the price down a little bit?"

I always have this conversation with mothers, not with fathers. I think fathers would probably kill their kids for leaving exam preparation until the last minute, which kids almost always do. And no mother has ever paid €80 an hour for English classes...because mothers are smart! Mothers realize that English teachers are teachers...they're not miracle workers!!


#3: THE PATIENT. "Ohhh, my head hurts so much. I think I have the flu. Now, don't forget that you have to correct me on everything that I say wrong. You never correct me when I say thinks wrong. That's what I said, thinks! This cold is just so awful. I just got a cold and now I'm getting another cold. And I'm so tired! I don't know how you English teachers work so hard! Everyone is very so sick these days...no, that's what I said, so very sick...oh, I think I need an aspirin. And it's so cold in here!"

#4. THE NAG: "What do you mean, you don't have extra photocopies from that class we did six months ago? Why aren't you listening to my problems? Why are you so tired? It's not my fault that you've already taught for nine hours today! Sorry, excuse me? Where's my homework? What do you mean, homework? I'm an important person! I have no time for homework! I have an important job and I have children and it takes me an hour to drive here every morning, and I don't have time for anything silly like homework! Homework is for idiots! I pay you to put English in my head, not to give me homework! Now pay attention to ME!"

#5. THE LEGO LANGUAGE EXPERT. "For me, learning English is very ok, but, oh! Why no is more like Spanish? Why not can I take my Spanish words and only translate them directly into English and put them where always I put Spanish words. Is not fair!!" (This person has probably been trying to learn English for, oh, twenty years or so.)

To be fair, we all have days like this. But if you find that your inner dialogue starts sounding like this all the time, you will find that you'll make more progress if you change the way you think about learning.

STOP SPANGLISH: The Seminar!

New Year! New English! New confidence! New abilities! Ladies and gentelmen (and everyone in between....) I proudly present to you....the FIVE THINGS YOU CAN DO TO STOP SPANGLISH seminar, which will start on Friday, January 14th, 2011.

Instead of babbling on about what an amazing course it is, I've put all of the important information in a downloadable document that you can print out and refer to:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/45323270/Stop-Spanglish-Seminar-1

And, as always, if you have any questions, comments, doubts or requests, don't hesitate to send an e-mail.

Why you should never trust online translation programs...

Via Twitter... Thanks to the Grammar Monkeys... This would never get you a passing grade on the First Certificate!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/18/best-description-of-house_n_467219.html

Funny peculiar

A couple of weeks ago, Arancha asked a good question: "In my essay, you put down to have more fun. Why not funny?"

Good question. The technical answer is that "fun" is the noun form: We had a lot of fun at Alberto's party.

"Funny" is an adjective, but be careful. It's not automatically the adjective version of "fun": As the British say, there's funny ha-ha and funny peculiar.

"Funny ha-ha" is the definition that most people know - something that's amusing and makes you laugh: I have a really funny joke to tell you!

BUT - and this is a big but - in spoken English, it means "strange, not quite right" or "suspicious:"

- Something funny happened to me the other day....a pumpkin fell on my head.
- It's funny how things never work out how you expect them to.
- He gave me a funny look when I asked him about his mother.
- The accountant wondered if his client was doing something funny with his money.

In these cases, "funny" has nothing to do with humour. It's closer to the idea of deception or tricks.

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If you answered "YES!!!" to any of the questions above...THE STOP SPANGLISH SEMINAR is for you.

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- How rigid English syntax is - and why that is an advantage for you
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Another Stop Spanglish classic...

This one was taken in the Puerta del Sol, in Madrid.

Poor tourists...

We have a winner!

Congratulations to Juan Francisco Martinez Corbi, of Arganda del Rey (Madrid), who was the first to write in with the correct answer to our Stop Spanglish photo competition:

Hi Patri!I have just read your blog, the last two posts to be precise, and I have decided to take part in your first STOP SPANGLISH contest against Spanglish.
QUESTION A: I think the mistake is 'Cards of credit'.
QUESTION B: It's wrong because there are noun + noun compounds (in this case, cards + credit) to describe many common ideas, things or people in English and, in fact, to describe that specific object in the correct way. For this reason…
QUESTION C: The correct English should be, in my opinion, 'We do not accept credit cards'. There are two nouns. The first one (in singular) describes what kind of cards are them.

Don't forget to keep visiting the STOP SPANGLISH blog, so you can take part in future competitions.... I have a LOT of photos like this one.

COMPETITION #1: What's wrong with this picture?

Take a look at the English in this photo. Technically, it's not super-wrong, because people can still (basically) understand the message.

It is, however, a perfect example of Spanglish. Whoever translated it did not think (or didn't know) about how English structures are different from Spanish structures, and it makes the message look sloppy and unprofessional.

So here's our first STOP SPANGLISH contest! If you are the first person to answer the three questions below correctly, you will win an Oxford dictionary designed for English learners, plus a copy of Enleno's excellent English Learner Notebook.

a) What's the mistake in the photo?
b) Why is it wrong?
c) What should the correct English be?

THE FINE PRINT: Send your answers to stop (dot) spanglish (at) yahoo (dot) com before noon Friday, August 13th. This competition is open to all students who reside in Spain (peninsular Spain, the Canary Islands and the Balearic Islands) and Portugal. We hate spam, too, so we will NOT use your e-mail for anything at all (you have my personal promise!!) unless you clearly tell us that you want to receive updates and more information.