Well, THAT's a new way to think about a language...

This week, The New Yorker magazine has an article about how, this year, anything connected to Denmark and the Danish language has become fashionable in the UK.

Unfortunately, I can't link to the article because it's only available to subscribers. However, I thought that it was worth risking the anger of the magazine's lawyers by citing this one (very funny) part:

When asked by the Guardian to account for the popularity of Danish television overseas, [one] actress....replied, "I've no idea, because our language is one of the most ugly and limited around. You can't seduce anyone in Danish; it sounds like you are throwing up. (=vomiting)"

If you need help with phrasal verbs...

Yesterday, I posted my latest Doceri video about phrasal verbs. Looking back, though, I realize that I should have provided a little bit more of an explanation, so here's a quick rundown of what to remember about phrasal verbs:

a) Phrasal verbs may be complex, but they're not LONG. The maximum number of words you can have in a phrasal verb is three words. That makes it easier to learn and use all the parts together. Don't fixate on the meaning of the individual pieces. That won't help you. Trying to translate the individual words just shows that you can't work in English. If you can learn the name of a brand (e.g. Coca-Cola - two words) or someone's name (Angelina Jolie, which has two words), you can learn phrasal verbs.

b) You do not need to know every possible phrasal verb that exists in English. If I told you that you had to memorize the credit card numbers of everyone you know, you would think that I'm crazy. If I told you to sit in the Metro and learn the names of every single station in the Metro system, you'd think I was mad. So why do students feel that they have to learn every single possible phrasal verb? Don't drive yourself crazy with that idea. So....

c) Focus on the phrasal verbs that you need to use in your everyday life. Don't try to learn phrasal verbs that you won't use. If you're a secretary, you probably don't feel a great need to learn terms related to neuroscience. It's the same thing, here.

I'll post more Doceri presentations about phrasal verbs in the future; but, for now, if you can remember those three key ideas, you'll give yourself a lot less stress and frustration.

STOP SPANGLISH grammar on YouTube

Someone once said that I need to make a video of all those funny little bits of information about English verbs. Well, thanks to a new iPad too called Doceri, I've done it! This video reviews all of the little funny things that I keep forgetting to tell everyone, so here they all are, in one video. Hope you find it helpful.

(There will be more videos coming up soon, especially about the different predicate patterns and about prepositions after verbs, so stay tuned -- and let me know if you think there's a topic that deserves a video.)

When Sergio said, "Merry Christmas"...

Today's EL PAÍS has an article about...well, I don't really know what it's about - it's kind of a summary of "we speak English as badly as they speak Spanish but in the end, everything is OK."  Articles like this bother me, and I never know if they bother me because they're so inaccurate (what, exactly, are they complaining about?) or because they seem to try to talk about all sides of an issue and end up not offering information about anything.

I've spent twelve years helping actors, secretaries, help desk staff, politicians and doctors improve their accents, and I just want to say this: Sergio Ramos is fine. Nobody has to speak like Sir Laurence Olivier if there isn't a clear, definite reason to speak that way. Ramos is a twenty-something kid from Cádiz who probably doesn't speak English on a regular basis, and his accent reflects that. Anyone who feels the need to really beat up on Ramos because of his accent has a serious problem with self-esteem.

Personally, I think that if Sergio Ramos spoke English like Olivier, that would be bizarre. It's not like Ramos is like Gael García Bernal, who lived and studied in the UK - and is an actor who works with English-speaking directors. García Bernal needs to sound like Laurence Olivier. Ramos may want to speak that well, but there is no rational reason for him to speak that way.

Don't give yourself more problems than you already have -- learning to use English well is tough enough!

Christmas English for the kids!

If you have small children at home...and you might need to find something for them to do while you're preparing for Christmas Eve dinner...try the NORAD Santa Tracker.

Well, er, yes, it's basically a military application and yes, NORAD is connected to NATO. This website has been known to keep more than one kid quiet for an hour or so...plus they can work on their geography and English at the same time.

What might tomorrow's English sound like?

What might English sound like in the distant future - especially if things like the Mayan Apocalypse were to happen? The Economist's Johnson blog has an idea.

Thanks to Jesús Marín for sending this one in!

If you are convinced you'll never learn English....

....because you haven't done so well so far, think of this:

PAST PERFORMANCE DOES NOT GUARANTEE FUTURE RETURNS.

That's what you see at the bottom of any information on investments, and it's true.

Let me put it another way:

IT'S VERY DIFFICULT TO GRAB OPPORTUNITIES IN  THE FUTURE IF YOUR HANDS ARE FULL OF GARBAGE FROM THE PAST.

Maybe you didn't get what you wanted in the past. That doesn't guarantee that you're never going to get what you want in the future.

What can you change in 2013 to make your English better than ever?

The NICE test for auxiliary verbs

So I was flipping through a book on linguistics yesterday (typical bathroom reading, y'know....) and I came across an interesting memory trick that might help you remember the difference between "normal" verbs and auxiliary verbs.

What are the most important differences between "normal" and auxiliary verbs? Think of the NICE test:

• Both time and modal auxiliary verbs have NEGATIVE forms: hadn't, wouldn't couldn't, isn't, aren't (NOT: amn't.) 
• For questions, the order of auxiliary verbs can be INVERTED: he had = had he?; they could = could they?
• You can have them in shortened forms as long as you know what the CONTEXT is: "They could go there by car, couldn't they?" -- "They could." (The sentence doesn't make any sense if you don't have the question before it. 
• You couldn't do this with "You like running, don't you?" -- "I like.")
• They can be stressed with EMPHASIS: "You can't do this." -- "I can!!" 

(EDIT: Oh, and remember: You can't use two auxiliary verbs together: I will can go, He did must speak.)

(Source: The Oxford Concise Dictionary of Linguistics, by P. H. Matthews)

Oooops! of the Day

If you don't think that you need to remember participle adjectives (bored, interesting), take a look at this.

(Source: www.theatlantic.com).

Pigs don't sing.

People who teach English are like any other people: there are things about our jobs that irritate us greatly. One thing that never fails to bother me is the number of people who don't speak English themselves, but demand that their kids speak English, no matter what the cost.

To me, this is kind of like torturing your kids into being football stars because you play football really terribly -- but you always dreamed of being a star football player. In Spain, however, it seems to be a favourite way of trying to get kids to speak English. 

Know what? It doesn't work.  

In English, this is called stage mother syndrome, and we don't think much of it. (In Canada, it might be called "trying to get a pig to sing"; it's futile and all it does is frustrate you and make the pig angry.) 

Folks: if your kids do not ask you, bother you, demand English classes from you...please. Don't do it. I don't care how smart or bright or intelligent your kid is. If your kid hates English and does not want English classes, don't give them private English classes. Students who are unmotivated are, generally, students who will not do very well because they don't CARE enough about learning and it won't be important for them to do a good job. That is just as true of adults as it is of youngsters. Unmotivated students who don't want to do a good job won't do a good job. You're wasting your money. Your kid will just be angry and resentful, especially if your kid KNOWS you're making him or her do it because you can't. And it won't make up for the fact that you can't speak English as well as you want to.

If you feel self-conscious about your ability to speak English, well, then....I would like to invite you to take classes. I'm not saying this to increase my business. I'm saying this because there are already too many pigs who can't sing in this world.