Attitude check

If you've ever thought that you're not smart enough to learn English well, read this.

http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2011/03/accepting-false-limits.html

I fired a student on Wednesday.

No, maybe that's not exactly what I want to say.

Maybe I didn't fire her. But I did terminate our working relationship. And it's not the first time I've done it, either. Why?

I've been meaning to write this post for some time. One of my aims in starting this blog was to be honest about how teachers see the relationship between students of English and teachers of English here in Spain. And one thing I want to be totally honest about is how teachers feel about the way they're treated by students.

First, let me say that these things happen so infrequently that, if they weren't so damn aggravating, I wouldn't bring them up. Ninety-five percent of you do not behave like this; 95% of you are absolute dolls and I love you to death.

Second, I just want to speak in general terms. One of the reasons why I focus on teaching adults is that... well, we're adults. We should be able to communicate in reasonable, mature words, without being rude, insecure, uncommunicative or passive-aggressive towards each other. But there are certain things that students do that bug the hell out of me. I try to filter these things out from the start, and I won't just take anyone on as a student. (This is the reason why I'm trying to reduce the amount of teaching I do for academies: academies will take anyone with a pulse and a credit card, and it doesn't matter whether or not they're really interested in improving their English or not.)

So...again, in general terms, here are the five things that you can do if you want me to back out of our client-teacher relationship.

Cancel your classes all the time. Yes, everyone has days when they need to cancel classes because they're busy, they're travelling or they're sick. Once every two or three months is normal. Once a month is not unusual, if you have a demanding job. When you start cancelling your classes so often that I can't remember what you look like, or you only have classes once a month, you lose your classes. (That's why the ten-class bonos have a three-month time limit.) See, a cancelled class is income that is lost. Even if you pay for your classes in advance, that's time that I can't recover at a future date.

Don't talk. I know, I say this all the time. Seriously....if you could care less about talking, why are you interested in being an English speaker? (And don't give me the excuse of "oh, some people don't like talking." It's true: there are a lot of people who don't like talking because they feel that silence permits them to control the situation and keep them from making mistakes...and if the other person is made to feel weird or uncomfortable, well, that's her problem!)

Confuse English classes with confession, therapy sessions or career counselling. This is a tricky problem, because the whole idea of being able to communicate should mean being able to talk about personal experiences. Keep in mind, however, that my focus is on communication, not on any matters related to the mind, the soul or labor relations. My relationship with my (now ex-) student basically ended because the person in question is going through a severe depression which is undiagnosed and making this person's life a living hell. I don't have a problem with trying to help you with something that's bugging you, or with an issue that's come up that is driving you nuts. Six months of constant complaining, breakdowns, tears, and panic attacks means that you need the help of someone who is a LOT more qualified than I am. Especially when you....

Consistently tell me what you can't do, without focusing on what you CAN do. I understand what it's like to be afraid of learning a new skill and not feel like you're prepared to try something new. Not doing something does not make it easier. Complaining that you can't do something - ditto. If you're truly afraid of using language in a particular situation (like negotiations or giving presentations) - that's all right. Just be honest about it with me. You're not crazy if you're afraid of something, but you're a fool if you let it control your life and make your English classes unpleasant. NOT CONFRONTING A FEAR IS A CHOICE.

Treat me badly or in an unprofessional manner. I left this one for last because, I think, there are going to be a lot of teachers who have stories about this, but here's my list.

Don't ever, ever, ever, ever even think about:

- making me use the service entrance of your building (if you have one.)

- asking me to translate stuff for free. I don't work for free.

- bringing your infant son or daughter into the room where we're having classes to do potty. (I am NOT making that one up.)

- calling me after 11PM with a question. Send an e-mail.

- threatening me in any way, shape or form.

- blaming me for your lack of progress.

- asking me to reduce my prices. I am willing to negotiate lower prices if you're having more than six hours of class a week, but if you want to pay someone peanuts, call some other monkey.

In short, if you want to be treated like an adult, be prepared to treat me like one. I'm not an ogre and I'm not a witch, provided I'm treated with respect.

This wouldn't work on the FCE. But it's still fun.

"Complaints Choirs" are one of those odd bits of guiri humour that allow us to laugh at ourselves and relieve tension.

This video clip is a bit old, but it's kind of cute. It was created by AS IT HAPPENS, one of Canada's most popular public affairs radio shows, and it's easy to sing along to. (Just a bit of information: Stephen Harper is Canada's Prime Minister; Conrad Black is a media mogul who owns - or owned - newspapers around the world.)

Laugh and enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yChwJyOL9vc&feature=youtu.be

Another reason to get working on your English...

...if you're not from an EU country, and need a visa to study in the United Kingdom, you won't be given one if your English isn't good enough.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2011/mar/22/number-foreign-students-to-be-cut

Now, in all fairness, they ARE allowing more people to go in on short-term visas to study English at academies, but if you want a university education and need to go for more than eleven months, you're going to have a harder time.

Sad but true.

The Communication Skills Course is back!!

Back by popular demand...
....the STOP SPANGLISH Communication Skills Course!!

º Does the thought of making small talk in English give you a headache?
º Are you tired of being afraid to speak in English?
º Not sure what grammar and vocabulary you should use in a particular situation?
º Do you want a safe place to practice your social English before your next conference, seminar or meeting?

Communication Skills is an intensive, two-day course that analyzes how we talk in social situations, the kinds of problems can can come up and how to avoid the discomfort and bad feelings that come from being afraid to talk.

Saturday:
Examine the differences between written and spoken English - and how they can help you
Practice the grammar that you need in social situations
Learn techniques that will help you in parties, conferences and receptions

Sunday:
Using the knowledge you gained on Saturday, we will practice ways of using your English to get what you want in social situations, like negotiations, disagreeing with people and trying to find solutions to difficult situations

PRICE: 199€
LOCATION: Metro Tirso de Molina
REGISTRATION CLOSES THURSDAY, 10 MARCH 2011!!
Want more information? Don't hesitate to send us a message at stop (dot) spanglish (at) yahoo (dot) com.

"WHEN WE WERE NEARLY YOUNG": Mavis Gallant's short story about Madrid

Canadian novelist Mavis Gallant has lived in Europe since the 1950s, and is famous for her ability to observe and provide incredible detail in her stories. In 1960, she turned her focus on Madrid, in a short story called "When We Were Nearly Young." This a very perceptive view of what "typical" Spanish people were like back then...

http://www.newyorker.com/online/2007/11/12/071112on_audio_nelson

Thanks to Middlebury College's Lena Santillana for this!

The power of context

Many times, when people learn English, they think about the big goals that they have: they want to get better jobs or maybe they want to move to another country. Sometimes, though, learning another language is useful because it helps you survive inside a context that isn't your own.

Here's the scene: it's 14:43 on a Saturday afternoon. The weather is really nice outside, which means that the bars and restaurants in my neighborhood are full of people.

If this were Canada, this bar would be twice as wide as it actually is, and the space would be big enough that people with kids, baby carriages and big backpacks could move freely throughout the bar without touching other people. In Canada, people try really hard not to touch people they don't know. We just don't do that. But I'm not in Canada; I'm in a very crowded bar in Malasaña, in Madrid, and beside me there is a small blonde woman with the very big purse. And that purse is ending up in my back more often than I would like.

This means that I have two options.

I can be Canadian about this and pretend that this is not happening. If I act Canadian, I have to pretend like neither the bag nor the woman are there, that the bar is not crowded and that everything is tolerable.

After spending over ten years in Madrid, however, I know that being Canadian in a Spanish city is...well...it's worse than useless.

"Excuse me," I say. She doesn't respond."

"/eI/!!" I shout.

One sound, one syllable, not really a word but delivered at high enough volume and pitch to let her know that if that bag ends up in my kidneys again, something nasty is going to happen.

She turns around and looks at me as if I'm crazy. I stick my right eyebrow up and stare her right in the eyes.

This is the power of context that makes language learning so important. If all you do is think about what individual words mean -- and not what the words can do -- you're never going to learn to really manage a language enough to get what you want. And that's why we, as human beings, have language. Language gets us what we want.

We assume that "getting what you want" has to be something big and important, but those big, important goals might not be realistic for most of us. For most of us, we just want the small things, even if it's as something as small as not being uncomfortable in a bar.

Corrected

Teachers correct students because, well, it's our job. The truth is that we correct you students for a lot of reasons. We have to do it because you need to know when you're doing something which could make you look stupid or prevent people from understanding you.

We don't correct you to humiliate you. We don't correct you to make you feel bad about your English; if we keep correcting you about a mistake you continue to make in class, that's a sign that you need to start paying attention to that word or structure and change what you're doing.

We don't correct you to start a fight. Of course, if you want a fight, I'll give you one:
"That's not how you say that in English."
"But we're not in England!" And you get a smug look on your face because you think you've made yourself look smart at my expense.
And that's when I say something that's really bad in Spanish and ask you, Can I say that? Do you understand what I mean when I say that? Because I know that I can't say that. What do you gain by doing something that you know is wrong?

You pay me to be honest with you. You pay me to give you quality service that is meant to help you improve. Not telling you when you make a mistake isn't just bad service: it's dishonest. It's counterproductive. It's unethical.

I understand that being corrected can be frustrating and, at times, embarrassing. That's why I don't correct every single thing you do wrong. But please, if there's something wrong, pay attention to what we're saying. If you choose to ignore what I tell you, one of two things is going to happen: either you're going to get bored of hearing the same corrections over and over again, and you'll quit; or you'll just stop talking, rather than using the tools you get in class.

It's your choice. I can't choose not to correct you, though. That's not my job.

Participle adjectives: One easy rule

Here's one easy rule that will help you remember the difference between past participle adjectives (bored, relaxed, satisfied) and present participle adjectives (encouraging, falling, irritating):

PAST PARTICIPLE ADJECTIVES are common when you talk about the way you prepare food:
fried fish, a chopped liver sandwich, roasted chicken, baked apples, sautéed mushrooms, Cajun-style blackened trout, stuffed eggplant, poached eggs, percolated coffee, well-steeped tea.

PRESENT PARTICIPLE ADJECTIVES are common when talk about functions or qualities:
working-class children, baking dish, hiking boots, biting sarcasm, sleeping bags, swimming suits.

These are shorter ways of providing defining relative clauses:
trout that has been blackened using a Cajun style
apples that have been baked
a sandwich made of liver that has been chopped
boots that are used for hiking
bags which are meant for sleeping
dishes which are used for baking food.

How bad is it if you DON'T learn English....really?

It's not a disaster if you don't learn.

Spaniards put themselves under a lot of pressure to master English. Why this is, I don't know. It's not like they speak a language that is useless beyond its borders. It's not like there's so much trade between Spain and English-speaking countries – companies from English-speaking countries do not dominate employment in this country.

There is a lot of embarrassment and fear about being left behind.

There's a lot of jealousy directed towards people who have mastered English. Worse, there's a lot of resentment towards people who make an effort to improve their English. Why this is, I don't know. But it's sad to see it happen.

I don't want anyone to think that they're totally incapable of learning English. (Spanish students of English say this a lot, but I have yet to meet someone who shows it's true.) But being able to do something, and having the time, the determination and the interest in doing something well are different things.

If you decide to learn something, and you say that you're doing it to improve your future, remember that you basically enter into a contract with two people: yourself, and the teacher. The teacher's responsibility is to create a positive, educational environment that helps you get you where you want to go, literally and/or figuratively.

It's YOUR responsibility to do what you can to make sure that happens.

And if it doesn't happen, and you don't learn to speak English perfectly...ask yourself this: What, exactly, have you lost? You can probably still communicate fairly well. If you had to go to London tomorrow, you'd probably do all right in the airport and at the hotel and in a restaurant. So what if you'll never be able to negotiate a multi-million dollar deal, or act in an Oscar-winning movie, or any of that stuff? Do you want to commit to the amount of work and study and practice that a person needs to be able to do that effectively?

Trust me...there's no shame in answering "no." Unless you're marrying someone who speaks English, unless you're going to work for an American company or you're moving to an English-speaking country, "good" is good enough.