Showdown at the (not) OK Corral

I don't like conflict. I don't "do" conflict, really; first of all, because I'm Canadian (aside from hockey players, when have you ever seen Canadians get really nasty with people?); and, secondly, because it's not my job.

I teach. Within the scope of teaching, I do a lot of things - I coach, I suggest, I co-pilot, I design, I research. But it's not really my job to be rude or mean to people, even when they're rude or mean to me. Why bother? It's the reason why I don't teach kids: I don't appreciate being put in a position where I have to be the hard guy.

We had - have? - a situation in one of my classes where three of the five participants don't participate. The class has been going for a month. Two of the guys are former students of mine, and we got on really well; but when their group was mixed with another group, trouble started. The new people didn't talk. They still don't. In fact, nobody talks at all, and when they do, it's usually to make some thoughtless generalization to break the silence, nothing more. They wanted a conversation class, but they don't bother participating in any conversation.

Now, unless I've missed something in these past twelve years of teaching, conversation usually involves interaction, and moving information back and forth. In most English classes, that can be very controlled (a telephone conversation, a presentation), or it can be looser, more open to improvisation. The information, though, has to go two ways.

It didn't, in this class. The information kind of didn't do...anything. I tried speaking exercises; nothing. I tried reading; nothing. I tried pronunciation; nothing. Now, keep in mind that (as I've said before), a teacher is a lot of things -- but a teacher is not there to be an entertainer. If you want entertainment, there are a lot of other options which cost a lot less money than English classes do.

Furthermore, English classes are not a way of avoiding work or hiding from your boss. Not in my classes, anyway. If you sign up for one of my classes, you're going to work.

Now, I'm about to make a sweeping generalization that will probably not be about you, specifically. (If you're a Spanish student of English who's reading this blog, this generalization will NOT be about you, that's for sure.) One thing that has never failed to shock me about teaching in Spain is the amount of WASTE that happens in classes.

When I taught in post-Communist Prague, companies didn't have a lot of money. If someone was selected to take part in an English training program, they treated it like a golden opportunity. Back in 1999, Czech companies did not get money from the European Union for training; they had to pay for it out of their own money, and they were so desperate and eager for new ideas and new ways and new opportunities that they did not waste the chance to get better. This is not the case in Spain. There are a lot of students - not everybody, as I said before - who think that their companies or parents or schools owe them English, and that the teacher should do everything because if the students are paying, they shouldn't have to work. So the students come to class, or the teacher spends 45 minutes on the Metro (each way; 90 minutes lost) and the student plays with his or her mobile phone, and complains about her boyfriend or her job, or her mother, and refuses to do anything educational, like reading or grammar or reviewing and NOTHING GETS DONE. And you're paying money for this?

I'm not sure why this happens. In the case of our class, it may have solved itself. Nobody came to class today. I saw two of the students standing outside the VIPS across the street, smoking, about ten minutes before class. I assumed they were coming. Nobody showed up. Maybe they decided at the last minute that they didn't want to talk. Maybe they don't like the idea that they're expected to work. Maybe they think that, somewhere in the office, there's a CD-ROM I can stick in their mouths, and then they'll be able to speak perfectly. I don't know, and to a certain extent, I don't care. I would rather spend sixty minutes with a perfect beginner than ten minutes with a perfect jerk.

I know what's going to happen next: the students will probably not come to class for a week or two weeks and the Director of Studies (who was perfectly ready to give them an earful this afternoon - she's had run-ins with them before) will call them. They'll tell the Director of Studies some kind of lie, like they're too busy with work or they've been transferred somewhere else. And if they choose to lie, rather than dealing with whatever is bugging them... that's not my problem. English teachers are not entertainers and, most importantly, they're not psychics. If you're not willing to be mature and work out issues, that's not my problem.

OK, sorry to rant. I'm going back to work now and I promise not to bite anyone. I promise.

...and while we're on the topic of MBAs....

From Bloomberg Business Week, a funny (?!) article about how NOT to apply to an MBA program.

http://tinyurl.com/39nk8vr

MBA Candidates: Looking for a TOEFL intensive?

For those of you who are interested in doing an intensive TOEFL course so that you can do your MBA in the States, Candy from mbaSpain has sent on this information:

TOEFL para MBA:

Estás pensando en un MBA…no olvides el TOEFL.

Los top MBA piden una nota de TOEFL muy alto:

· Harvard Business School pide 109

· Chicago Booth 104

· Columbia 100

· Wharton 100

· Stanford 100

· IESE 100

· Kellogg, no hay mínimo pero la media es 110

Y las becas también

· La Caixa pide 110

· Fulbright 100

Preguntas frecuentes:

¿Por qué los solicitantes de MBA necesitan un curso especial de TOEFL?

Los aspirantes a un top MBA tienen un nivel de inglés bastante alto. No necesitan un curso tradicional de TOEFL de 30 horas. Por eso, mbaSpain ha diseñado el curso de TOEFL para MBA para maximizar tu tiempo y tus fortalezas, centrándote en las claves principales para triunfar en el TOEFL, sobre todo el Speaking y Listening.

Ya he hecho un curso de GMAT, ¿por qué necesito un curso de TOEFL?

Porque las secciones del TOEFL son diferentes a las del GMAT, especialmente en el Speaking, Listening and Writing.

¿Puede un curso de 12 horas ayudarme a mejorar mi puntuación de TOEFL?

Por supuesto! TOEFL para MBA aprovecha tu experiencia de GMAT para centrarse exclusivamente en las habilidades que necesitará para maximizar su TOEFL. El tiempo no se pierde en repetir cuestiones tratadas en el GMAT. Además, tu tienes un nivel alto de Inglés, por lo tanto el curso va más rápido, completamente centrado en tus necesidades, sobre todo el Speaking y Listening. Pero, también es imprescindible que practiques y que hagas los deberes.

El próximo curso de TOEFL para MBA:

noviembre: 1) lunes 8 1930-2230; 2) miércoles 10 1930-2230;

3) sábado 13 1030-1330; y 4) lunes 15 1930-2230

noviembre: 1) miércoles 17 1930-2230; 2) sábado 20 1030-1330;

3) lunes 22 1930-2230; 4) miércoles 24 1930-2230

Precio:375€ (incluido el IVA, los materiales de la clase, y un CD Rom de practice exams)

For more information, contact mbaSpain at info@mbaspain.com.

Note-Taking for TOEFL: 9 November 2010

It's a fact: Students who learn how to take effective, comprehensive notes have a better chance of scoring higher on the TOEFL iBT exam. But how do you manage all that information that comes at you? How do you practice and use the transition vocabulary that shows you how the information is organized? What are the best ways of keeping track of the most important points, so that you can use them on the tasks?

If the TOEFL iBT has got you worried, we have the solution. On Tuesday, November 9th, STOP SPANGLISH will be holding its Introduction to Note-Taking for TOEFL workshop.

In five hours, you'll learn the techniques which will get you through the exam and teach you how to deal with what you'll read and hear:
º Mental warm-ups: How to anticipate what's coming at you
º Ten efficient ways to practice your listening skills
º How to listen for important information - and eliminate what doesn't matter
º The five most effective ways of organizing notes
º Refine your notes to score high on the speaking and writing papers

Cost: €129 (€99 for current STOP SPANGLISH students)
Time: 10:00 AM to 3:00 PM
REGISTER BEFORE 1 NOVEMBER AND RECEIVE A FREE COPY OF "THE ENGLISH LEARNER NOTEBOOK"!

Remember: Failing to prepare is the same as preparing to fail. Don't let it happen to you!

TOEFL Folks: Another gem about paraphrasing...

I don't think the folks at Purdue University's English department will mind me sharing this:

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/619/01/

...clear, concise to the point.

New Horizons

One thing I found this summer is that there are a LOT of people who want to improve their English so that they can leave Spain and find work in different countries.

If you're thinking about doing the same, but you feel a little guilty about doing it, take heart - it's not just happening in Spain. The BBC's Business Daily programme has an excellent documentary about Irish professionals who are forced to do the same:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00b3lfw

Exam writing tasks: Don't Do This

One thing I've noticed over the last couple of weeks....If you're doing an English exam this fall, be it IELTS, TOEFL or FCE, make sure you understand the task before you start it.

That seems obvious, right? It should be. But one common mistake that students make is that they don't think about what kind of information they're expect to write down. Writing tasks always test your ability to manipulate different kinds of information for different audiences. That means that when you do an exam, you need to understand the following information:

How do they want me to present the information? Is this a personal essay, a letter, an article or a short story?
What kind of language do I need to do this? How formal does the text have to be? What specialized vocabulary do I need to describe people, equipment, ideas?
Who's going to read this? Is the task designed so that I give information to people who I do know? Or will I be creating something more formal - closer to tone to usted - because I don't know who the end reader will be?
How can I filter my mistakes so that I don't repeat them? When I did these tasks in practice, what were the problems (spelling, grammar, syntax) that I had before? How do I stop them from happening again?

The fastest way to fail a writing task is to adapt the task to your needs...and totally ignore what the examiners want to do. If you don't do the task as it's described, you take an enormous risk of failing. Examiners cannot tell the difference between someone who didn't like the task and decided to adapt it, and someone who didn't understand what the question was.

I'm not trying to scare you, but you need to understand the risks you take when you don't do what they ask you to do!

How do you stop this from happening?

a) As you practice (and you should practice as much as you can), anticipate the kinds of tasks you will be asked to do.
b) Review the language (words, verb tenses and collocations) you need to do this task.
c) Analyze your previous mistakes. Make a list of the kinds of mistakes you tend to make and if you're not sure why you're having problems, talk to your teacher about what kind of practice you can do to eliminate those mistakes.
d) Remember that a BIG part of writing exams is knowing what isn't important, not just what you need.

And if you have any questions, please feel free to comment here!
b

Notebooks - Only Two Left!

Hey gang...

I only have two copies left of the fabulous Enleno "English Learner Notebook" left, and I'm not planning on putting in an order for another box unless I get a group of people who tell me that they want them. If you want one of the two remaining copies, or if your group may want extra copies, send me a message to let me know.

Funny peculiar

A couple of weeks ago, Arancha asked a good question: "In my essay, you put down to have more fun. Why not funny?"

Good question. The technical answer is that "fun" is the noun form: We had a lot of fun at Alberto's party.

"Funny" is an adjective, but be careful. It's not automatically the adjective version of "fun": As the British say, there's funny ha-ha and funny peculiar.

"Funny ha-ha" is the definition that most people know - something that's amusing and makes you laugh: I have a really funny joke to tell you!

BUT - and this is a big but - in spoken English, it means "strange, not quite right" or "suspicious:"

- Something funny happened to me the other day....a pumpkin fell on my head.
- It's funny how things never work out how you expect them to.
- He gave me a funny look when I asked him about his mother.
- The accountant wondered if his client was doing something funny with his money.

In these cases, "funny" has nothing to do with humour. It's closer to the idea of deception or tricks.

Ladies and Gentlemen...presenting...The Grammar Grater!

Years ago, Penguin Books (I think it was) published an extremely useful book called "Right Word, Wrong Word" that analyzed words that were similar, but used in different ways or had completely different meanings.

Unfortunately, that book is no longer in print, but the lovely people at Minnesota Public Radio, in the United States, have something that's just as good, if not better: The Grammar Grater...

http://minnesota.publicradio.org/radio/podcasts/grammar_grater/

Seriously, guys.... bookmark this link. You can download the podcasts onto your personal stereos and listen to them when you've got some quiet time; and be sure to check back regularly to give yourself as much practice as possible.